My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
