I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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