I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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