I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fuck appropriateness.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
