In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
