Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
