...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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