Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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