(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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