you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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