I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
