I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
