Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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