The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
