you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
