So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
