This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hate all girls vehemently.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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