theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
