Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
