she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
