he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
