i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
