I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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