So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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