My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
