drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
