beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
