Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
