Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
