Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
