Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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