I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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