and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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