So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
