thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
