i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
