I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
