You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
