I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
