I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
