We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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