Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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