My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize