Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
operation have a gay friend backfired
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
