do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
