Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
