took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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