I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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