I must be too annoying 4 u.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
