I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
