i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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