a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize