I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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