Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
