I need help removing her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
