Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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