im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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