I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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