in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
