Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I will pee on everything he values.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
