Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize