I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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