I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
