I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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