I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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