Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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