And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
