my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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