Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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