you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
