I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
