I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
