I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
