Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
