You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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