I just pynch a tree in the face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
