just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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